How to get your confidence back in bed (even if it’s been a while)

Get your confidence back in bed | Beanstalk Mums


Do you need to get your confidence back in bed?

So you’ve found a man and you’re ready to take things to the next level. Whoo hoo, good for you. But it’s been such a long time since you last had sex, especially with someone new who you really want to impress. Perhaps you’ve put on a few pounds or are feeling old. Maybe you’re seriously wondering if it’s all still working down there.

Well, I am here to tell you that you are one sexy mumma. Having sex is a bit like riding a bike, you never forget. And once the pedals are turning and you feel the cool wind in your hair, you’ll wonder why you waited so long.

Note: In case you are wondering how I know this: I went 12 long, dry years without so much as sexy smooch. I honestly thought I’d never have a sex again, had forgotten what it felt like and didn’t really care. Then, I met my sexy someone who provocatively prized open my dormant desirability, and bang, I was back in the game again.

This could be you!

So, to get you from ‘turn off the lights and wait till I’m under the covers’ to ‘let’s try a new position’, here are my tips to get your confidence back in bed.

How to get your confidence back in bed

Don’t compare: You are beautiful

This is a really important first step to get your confidence back in bed. Stop worrying if you measure up. Focus on yourself and the wonderful person you are.

Here are two facts you need to know.

  • You will never be like the women you see on TV/social media etc. They are caked in make-up, airbrushed or filtered.
  • You will never be like your younger self. But that’s ok. Older means more self-aware, experienced and super-sexy. In fact, many women believe sex as they get older is the best it’s ever been.

Make sure you are totally relaxed

If there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s that the key to getting a woman’s confidence back in bed begins with creating a cozy atmosphere.

To make you and your man at ease, choose a familiar setting, be it your own space or his. If possible, wait until the kids are fast asleep or are not at home.

I know it’s been a while already, but don’t rush things and just go with the flow.

A glass of wine can help set the tone and make both of you feel relaxed. You can also listen to some romantic songs for a sexier mood. Just remember not to drink too much, you don’t want to get all sleepy before the excitement even starts!

Avoid overthinking – just embrace the moment and let your inner sex goddess unfold naturally.

Get some sexy undies to get your confidence back in bed

If you’ve been in mum mode for the last few years and living in Target bras (not knocking, love my Target bras) you’ll be amazed at the difference some sexy underwear makes.

Don’t stress if you feel a little bashful, you can buy online, there is so much choice and it doesn’t have to cost the earth. Your man will love you for it and will be turned on that you’ve made the effort for him.

Sexy underwear will make you feel like a million dollars, which btw, you are.

Get your confidence back in bed | Sexy undies

Stockist: Lovehoney

Remember: He chose you

If you find yourself lacking in confidence any time before, during or after you have sex with your new partner, remember this: HE CHOSE YOU.

He wants to get intimate with YOU. He wants to take things to the next level with YOU. You are enough. You are what he wants.

Enjoy feeling special and wanted. It will make you feel all the sexier. Remember this if you are struggling to get your confidence back in bed.

It could be your last hoorah

If you’re at the crossroads of menopause, consider this a golden opportunity. This could be your last chance to savour uninhibited intimacy, so why not make it unforgettable?

I’m not telling you to do positions that your body can no longer handle – you will only end up with excruciating body pain the next morning.

I know that our bodies can no longer perform the way they used to, we all still have a few kinky moves up our sleeves. So don’t be shy to kick it up a notch. 

If you ask me though, being at “that” age doesn’t have to signal the end of your sex life. Don’t let the potential changes in libido during menopause be a roadblock. Age is just a number, and you are still as sexy as you were 20 years ago.

You don’t have to go it alone in the bedroom. Grab yourself a few sex toys to enhance the experience for both of you. If nothing else, they will give you a giggle and lighten the mood.

A good idea is to keep them hidden unless needed. It might be too soon to produce a life-like 9-inch dildo, but they will come in useful further down the line if you need to liven things up a bit, or you want to have some sexy fun by yourself.

Fifty Shades Of Grey Handcuffs

5o Shades of Grey Handcuffs: Stockist: The Adult Megastore

Show him what you like

Now this is important and a mistake we all make …

You might be so desperate to set a good first impression that you forget to get pleasure from the experience. Never forget that sex is about pleasure for BOTH.

Your man will love it if you have the confidence to show him what you like, and it will make his job much easier!

Be the woman in control, the woman who knows her body, her sexuality and what she likes.

Honestly, BIG turn-on for a guy … and of course you’ll be completely satisfied.

Give yourself self-pleasure

In other words, masturbate. You may be surprised to know that masturbation actually makes you better at sex, which will help you get your confidence back in bed.

The reason for this is because it teaches you what you like and don’t like, improves sexual awareness, as well as making you feel more comfortable in your own skin. Plus, frequent masturbation reduces the risk of infection, which is common if you are having sex for the first time in a while.

Not convinced yet? Read this: The positive impacts of using a vibrator.

You can get a myriad of vibrators online, from the crazy to the discreet. Shops such as Lovehoney and have everything you need, and then some. Enjoy!

Buy yourself a toy | Get your confidence back in bed

Womanizer Starlet Rechargeable Clitoral Stimulator: Stockist: LoveHoney

Beautiful bedcovers to get your confidence back in bed

If the deed is taking place in your bed, make sure you’re prepared. There is nothing like jumping between clean sheets so make sure you are ready for visitors.

You could even treat yourself to some new bedcovers to help set the scene. Something silky or raunchy or fun.

Oh and check for kids’ toys, dummies, the dog etc before you and your lover fall romantically onto it.

Birds do it, bees do it

If you’ve not had sex for while and are feeling awkward have not yet awoken your erogenous zones remind yourself that everybody else is doing it. This is a proven method to boost your confidence back in bed.

Sex is as natural as the sunrise, and you, my friend, are not an exemption. 

You are a woman with needs and desires, and you have the right to revel in sexual pleasure whenever you want to.

I know how easy it is to slip into the dedicated single mum role that we forget about our needs as a woman (I’ve been there).

There was a time when I was too busy with juggling work and raising my kids so I didn’t have time to date. But once I jumped back into the ocean, I felt more alive!

Practice makes perfect

People always talk about that ‘incredible first time’. But in reality, the first time can be a little clunky and disjointed. You might both be nervous and unsure of each other.

It takes time to get to know each other’s bodies and what you both like. The truth is that sex can get better and better with the same person as you bond and learn about each other.

Knowing another person intimately on a sexual level is an incredible feeling and one that you deserve.

Summary: How to get your confidence back in bed (even if it’s been a while)

That truth here is that getting your confidence back in bed goes a long way. The benefits of a happy sex life do not end in the bedroom, they also result in a harmonious and successful relationship … as well as improved mental and physical health.

I know you have been wearing that mum cape for a long time, but as Justin Timberlake said, it’s about damn time you bring your sexy back!

So what if it’s been a while?

My tips above will help you get your groove back. Even I, consult this list for tips now and then. 

Remember, it’s not only you who feels awkward after years of not having sex. Every woman (single mum or not) experiences this at least once in her lifetime. So don’t put too much pressure on yourself.

Also, don’t just focus on getting your man satisfied, make sure you enjoy yourself, too! 

Now, time to check out that sexy lingerie that’s been in your shopping cart for ages.

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